Hello u olls semua,
Hari ini akak nak share dengan u olls satu emel panjang daripada seorang pembaca blog Jumie Samsudin yang menceritakan tentang hidup dia sebagai seorang bisexual. Akak tak edit apa-apa pun kandungan emel beliau sebab akak rasa, dah cukup elok penulisan beliau ini. Cubalah baca dengan hati yang terbuka. Akak mohon u olls semua cuba mengerti dan cuma menghormati, jangan sesekali menghukumi. Hukum-hukum ni semua bukan kerja kita u olls.
Kepada u olls wanita-wanita pompuan heteroseksual, yang dah kawen, yang belum kawen, yang ada BF ataupun yang masih single.......bukalah mata u olls. Dunia ini luas. Akak bukan nak menakut-nakutkan u olls tapi at least u olls kena terima 'kewujudan' ini. Kenapa dan mengapa? Jangan duk feeling yang hidup ini hanya diri u olls semata-mata. Kerana cerita ini adalah cerita betul. Bukan FIKSYEN!
Komen dan respons daripada u olls semua amatlah akak hargai.
ps/ Thank you to Ritz for sharing this.
NOXFORD :
Staright act - Berlagak macam dia tu jantan straight yang suka perempuan.
PLU - People Like Us...LGBT :)
Hari ini akak nak share dengan u olls satu emel panjang daripada seorang pembaca blog Jumie Samsudin yang menceritakan tentang hidup dia sebagai seorang bisexual. Akak tak edit apa-apa pun kandungan emel beliau sebab akak rasa, dah cukup elok penulisan beliau ini. Cubalah baca dengan hati yang terbuka. Akak mohon u olls semua cuba mengerti dan cuma menghormati, jangan sesekali menghukumi. Hukum-hukum ni semua bukan kerja kita u olls.
Kepada u olls wanita-wanita pompuan heteroseksual, yang dah kawen, yang belum kawen, yang ada BF ataupun yang masih single.......bukalah mata u olls. Dunia ini luas. Akak bukan nak menakut-nakutkan u olls tapi at least u olls kena terima 'kewujudan' ini. Kenapa dan mengapa? Jangan duk feeling yang hidup ini hanya diri u olls semata-mata. Kerana cerita ini adalah cerita betul. Bukan FIKSYEN!
Komen dan respons daripada u olls semua amatlah akak hargai.
ps/ Thank you to Ritz for sharing this.
Salam Puan Jumie,
First sekali saya nak cakap yang saya ni memang avid reader of Puan Jumie nyer blog sejak dulu lagi, saya tak penah miss setiap article yang di post kan oleh Puan Jumie walaupun article tu pasal mekap ke ape...lately ni saya selalu baca post Puan Jumie pasal kehidupan dan kesusahan kawan-kawan PLU sekalian....disebabkan itu saya terdorong untuk menulis email ini kepada Puan Jumie tentang kehidupan saya dengan niat mungkin ia dapat membantu mereka yang bermasalah di dalam dunia PLU ini, mula-mula biar saya intro diri saya dulu, nama saya Mohamad Ritzuan Kairuddin, berumur 29 berasal dari negeri di selantan semenanjung dan saya ada seorang Bisexual. Saya hendak stress di sini yang saya ni betul-betul Bisexual dari aspek yang saya memang tertarik kepada lelaki dan juga wanita (kasar bahasa, kira saya ni stim tengok Chris Evans shirtless atau Lindsay Lohan posing dalam Playboy...hahaha) so ini lah story saya.
SELF-DISCOVERY
Saya mula-mula rasa yang saya ni different pada umur saya 13 tahun, kira once saya masuk puberty. Saya rasa yang ada something wrong skit, kalau time dengan kawan-kawan sleepover kat rumah diorang, member sorang akan sneak-in bawak porno VCD dia curi dari abang dia, masa tengok tu kawan-kawan lain semua syok tengok perempuan tu, tapi saya rasa attracted to both...macam tak tau mana yang patut saya tengok...so, of course I was scared....time tu saya takde sapa yang saya boleh tanya.
Jadi saya research lah sendiri about homosexuality and stuff....dalam masa setahun tu saya agak takut jugak...sebab takut saya ni gay and macam mana it is against our religion...saya fight and fight nak hide my feelings, tiap-tiap kali saya solat saya mesti saya Tanya diri saya “Ya Allah, kenapa buat diri saya macam ni...” So, one day masa umur saya 15 tahun, saya ingat lagi...saya ada mimpi about a random person saya terjumpa kat tepi laut...dia datang kat saya dan berborak....then last sebelum dia pegi dia cakap “Accept who you are.....terima lah diri sendiri seperti anda dilahirkan...”. The next day tu saya research about Bisexuality and more detail lagi about Homosexuality.....after that I have come to the fact that I am born a Bisexual.....because I agree that Homosexuality is not something we can choose or a lifestyle choice.....it is imprinted in your DNA and you are born with it.....kita tak boleh help it if kita dilahirkan begini....so, from that day on, I accepted my fate, dari saya seksa diri nak be who I am not.
LOVE, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS
Now since I dah accept diri saya as a Bisexual, doesn’t mean that everything is hunky-dory....ada jugak suka-duka yang saya terpaksa lalui, let me tell you about my personality....saya ni boleh dilabelkan sebagai Straight Act kot tapi saya bukan jenis yang belagak macho atau terlebih over ke ape....saya just be normal je, some people tengok saya kata confirm saya ni 100% straight ada jugak kata yang saya ni Gay, ada jugak yang confuse...tak sure....for me I just say, let them think whatever they want...as long as tak menyusahkan saya atau ape.....I am happy...when comes to relationships saya memang equally dated Men and Women......ok ni nak masuk teratori 18sx skit but don’t worry Puan Jumie, nothing too detail....hehe.
When it comes to sex....I’ve tried it all....saya Top dan juga Bottom....this is something interesting to me lah, di sebabkan saya bisexual and penah di bottomkan...it made me a better lover to women....frankly speaking, when I make love to a woman, I know how certain stuff can make them feel good or feel pain sebab I know how it feels to...tu yang I think yang buat I rasa being a bisexual tu its not a bad thing. Bak kata my friend yang PLU...”Awak tu bukan Bisexual.....tapi BIFlexual....semua ko nak balun!” hehe.
But ada jugak yang tak best jadi Bisexual....when it comes to Love. When you are a Bisexual you have a choice of loving everyone or anybody......I have been in love with a man and a woman.....my heart have been broken so many times and I have broken many hearts to....so, how do you choose? If you are in love with your boyfriend should you tell him that you also like girls? Or Vice-versa with your girlfriend? Ada one traumatic event yang saya tak akan lupa sampai bila-bila.
Umur saya dalam 22 tahun and I was in love with my girl name Sheena and I was in love with my boy Khai (nama sebenar telah ditukarkan...hehe).....Sheena adalah perempuan yang first I confess I ni bisexual too and she accepted me...because we were in love....but I also told her about Khai, dan how saya cintakan dia gak....Khai tau pasal Sheena....dia sendiri nampak saya saying sheena....ni tak tau nak cakap maybe rezeki saya time tu, both of them are willing to accept each other because saying kan saya jugak....during that time I felt like the luckiest Guy in the world! I have the girl of my dreams and the boy of my dreams!Kira diorang bermadu lah... Life can’t get any better....or so I thought....at first everything seem to be ok, all 3 of us hung out together....tengok wayang, shopping and both my gf and bf got along weel...then after setahun, saya dapat kerja baru .
Because of work yang gak demanding, I had less time to spend with them, that’s when things jadi rough, kadang-kadang saya ada masa nak spend time gan sorang je, then next week the other, sometimes tak dapat nak jumpa pun...to be honest, I didn’t manage my time properly.....both of them started to get jealous of each other, sheena call khai tanya saya ada gan dia ke, khai call sheena tanya I gan dia and so on, so on. Dengan kerja and stuff it was beginning to stress me out but saya tahan because I love them both...then came d-day...all 3 of us had the biggest fight ever....semua kata-kata kesat dikeluarkan...semua perasaan terpendam di keluarkan....
But apa yang Sheena cakap lah yang buat saya feel worst...dia cakap, “ Dengan Ina, at least Ritz bleh kawen.....ada anak....start a family.....Dengan DIA ni....apa yang bleh dapat?” those words hit me like a ton of bricks.......
I loved Sheena because she was sweet and confident and understood me....But I also loved Khai...he helped a lot a few years back, masa family tengah susah....he help me...bagi duit...tolong carikan kerja...gave me a place to stay....he was my soul mate.....masa time tu saya dapat nampak kesedihan dia and dia punya anger...Khai cakap, “ I know I can’t have kids with Ritz, tapi saya boleh saying dia more then you can.....Ritz, you need to choose....Me or HER?” .
Masa dengar soalan tu my whole world came crumbling.....because of who I am......I cannot decide......i cried....and cried in front of them....telling them I can’t choose.....in the end I had to do what is best for everyone.....I did not choose Khai or Sheena....I let them go.....and dua-dua pun rasa it was for the best...after that, I didn’t open my heart to anyone...then after 2 years baru all 3 of us talked to each other......Sheena dah kawin and expecting her first anak........
Khai jumpa his new partner and dah move in with him......I was truly and honestly happy for them...but at the same time, I feel sad and regret....because I could have that....Sheena could be expecting my first child with her.....Khai and me could have moved in together.....since that fight....I tak seriously date anybody....just biasa-biasa je...scandal here and there....date guys....girls....but non of them I open my heart to....until last year....
I found another girl who is much more understanding and she can accept me being a bisexual....I loved her....kita berdua dah nak bertunang dah semua.....but....It didn’t happen not because of my sexuality but because of money.... she is a golddiger....enough said....tak nak cerita lagi banyak because pedih tu masih baru lagi.....So, what can I say about Bisexual Love? Don’t deny what your heart wants.....meaning if you rasa nak date this guy....go ahead.....if you nak couple dengan that girl go ahead.
THE CURRENT PROBLEM FOR LGBT
Macam saya cakap tadi, lately banyak article and isu about a gay guy yang nak kawen, weither because of pressure, family, tanggapan orang or what so ever....this is just my opinion and I don’t mean to offend anybody......because I too have PLU friends yang suddenly terus kawen...yang top and even yang bottom....
I ask them why so sudden.....most of them answered was the standard “sampai bila nak jadi macam ni?” or “Sebab tak nak family tau...”. Apa-apa pun I wish them all the best...but I feel that what they are doing, is just denying their feelings and would do more damage then good.....
I know ramai yang married men sometimes gi rumah urut gay untuk dapat blowjob on the pretext yang wives diorang tak reti blowjob lah apalah.....most of them claim yang they are straight....I don’t know about that....tapi that’s my point....
If you are gay and you want to start a family and change yourself...alhamdulilah...I support that....but don’t go behind your wives’ back.......curang is curang..... whether it is with a man or a woman....but that doesn't mean to get rid of all your PLU friends.....friends are friends.....it doesn’t have to be about sex....if your PLU friends can’t accept yang you nak berubah.....then maybe they are not your friends at all.....
Maybe I am lucky that being a bisexual I can truly love a women....but to my Gay brothers and lesbian sisters don’t force yourself into loving someone just because you have too.....a forced love is bad.....if you rasa belum time lagi...then don’t.....biarlah apa orang kata.....it is our lives to live...not theirs....and dengan zaman sekarang, people are more excepting then before.
Selain blog Puan Jumie another blog yang I rasa is the best...blog Saudara Naj Mi.....to me his blog is one of the most informative blog about LGBT issues I ever read....people should gather strength from his attitude despite the obstacle he has to go trough.....yang the latest article about ‘biar membujang asal tak sebarkan virus”....if very very interesting......sama like what I said....what you need to do is be honest with yourself.....don’t force yourself to do something that might hurt the people around you. No matter what religion, what race or what colour you are......Love is universal and it should come naturally.
ADVICE FOR ALL
Also, saya ada sedikit kata-kata untuk adik-adik PLU yang masih confuse dalam hidup mereka. First of all, figure out what you are....Gay? Lesbian? Bisexual? Or Even Trans? Remember that we didn’t choice to be who we are....we were born with it (macam lagu lady gaga lah plak...huhu).
Second, decide on what you want to do....if you want to change, ask your friends or family to help you....because if that is what you want to do...then go ahead....banyak tempat yang boleh membantu if you decided you don’t want to be a LGBT.....If you want to accept who you are like I did...then Have Fun!
Tapi bukan maksud to have sex all the time or anything......ingat ni jelah....sex is just a physical thing, seronok kejap then habis lah...Love is forever.....jangan guna point nak masuk dunia LGBT just because of sex....do it because that is who you are....
A proud L....G....B....T.......memang kita kan hadapi suka dan duka....but that is what life is all about.....Kepada sape-sape yang heterosexual yang baca ni....meaning lelaki atau perempuan.....if you found out or your partner bagitau that he or she is a bisexual or whatsoever....jangan nak marah or melenting and act like we are disgusting or ape.....we are humans too and we have feelings......if you nak marah-marah and tak boleh accept....means you don’t love him or her betul......find out why you nak rasa angry? Just because he or she said they are bisexual, gay or lesbian? You should be grateful yang they tell you, and try to help them trough their difficult time together....not alienated them....apa yang awak fitnah atau buat kat kitaorang boleh terkena balik kat kamu....remember....awak semua someday akan ada anak....he or she could turn out to be gay, bisexual or lesbian....remember that.
Dalam mana agama pun....kita semua di ajar untuk respect dan saying semua kaum manusia .....tolerance is what is important.....not hatred....the energy you use to hate someone.....would go much better if you use to help or accept somebody. Sekarang ni saya rasa happy sebab ada somebody in my life to help me....and HE is such a sweet guy....hehehe and I am slowly opening my heart to him......where do I see myself in the future? Honestly I don’t know.....I want to have a family and children.....maybe I should do what Ricky Martin and his Husband do?? Hahaha Joking....anyway I don’t want to think about it....I just go day by day accepting who I am.....Carpe Diem....Seize The Day.
THANK YOU
Akhir sekali, terima kasih kepada Puan Jumie kerena sudi membaca email saya ini dan juga kepada mereka yang membaca....harap tahun baru ini akan bawa kehiduapan yang lebih berbahagia untuk anda semua....kepada meraka yang tengah rasa down...jangan risau....kita semua ada untuk membantu....insyallaah
Thank You Again......
Waalaikumsalam,
Sincerely,
Ritzuan.
NOXFORD :
Staright act - Berlagak macam dia tu jantan straight yang suka perempuan.
PLU - People Like Us...LGBT :)